Epidemic

As some of you may have already heard (or been exposed to) our house was not immune to the current outbreak of cold/flu/plaque that is sweeping the nation. If you haven't had the "pleasure" of experiencing this year’s crop of nastiness count your blessings and pray that you don't. If you have had or are currently infested with the "black death", don't worry, you can put away your Last Will And Testament and your life insurance documentation, you will recover. But, do quarantine yourself and spare your loved ones. I digress.

When my little "Nurse Nightingale", who is constantly trying to take everyone’s "temtur" and bring them orange juice, finally succumb to a flu-induced fever I was still working my way back to a vague resemblance of health. So there we were, both cuddled up on our respective ends of the couch watching TV....

Munchkin: (who had actually been still for 10 minutes - it takes a 102 fever to accomplish this) abruptly sits up. She proceeds to pull a large blanket up from the floor and throw it on me, then lays back down.

Mommy: Ignores this and continues to watch TV.

Approximately 3 minutes go by.

Munchkin: Again abruptly sits up. Now speaking in an annoyed tone, " Mommy! Put your blankie on!".

Mommy: (Pulling the blanket toward my neck) "I have the blanket on, what's the problem?".

Munchkin: "Mommy, lay down, and don't talk to me. We are having the Flu".

She lays back down and watches TV.

Toddler Property Law

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like it's mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If I can see it, it's mine.
10. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
11. If I want it, it's mine.
12. If I "need it, it's mine (yes, I know the difference between "want" and "need"!).
13. If I say it's mine, it's mine.
14. If you don't stop me from playing with it, it's mine.
15. If you tell me I can play with it, it's mine.
16. If it will upset me too much when you take it away from me, it's mine.
17. If I (think I) can play with it better than you can, it's mine.
18. If I play with it long enough, it's mine.
19. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it's mine.
20. If it's broken, it's yours (no wait, all the pieces are mine).

"Restating Implied, Perspective and Statutory Easements," Michael V. Hernandez. Real Property, Probate and Trust Journal, (American Bar Association, Spring 2005).

The Bionic Shopper

A couple weeks ago I was able to score on some great sales at the grocery store. I bought $184.27 worth of groceries and only paid $87.12. Later that evening I was recounting my haul to make sure we had enough to keep everyone alive and kick'n until the next big shopping trip. Munchkin was playing near by and apparenlty half listening to my ramblings.

Mommy: (thinking out loud) "Meatloaf, chicken alfredo w/broccoli, tuna cassarole, muffins, hot dogs, sausage and cabbage. . . . . . . . . . . WOW! I did pretty darn good."

Munchkin: "Huh Mommy?"

Mommy: "Oh nothing, Mommy's just really excited cause I did a good job grocery shopping today."

Munchkin: (very excited for her Mom) "I know Mommy, you're the grocery shopping machine!!!!"

Mommy: "Yes. Yes I am."

And Now For a Musical Interlude....

Tonight we will enjoy the vocal stylings of "Munchkin", as she performs her rendition of.....well.....we're not sure what she's performing ---- but enjoy!

"Jesus loves me, dis I know,
All the wittle children came to town,
upa bubba word so high,
like a diamon, in da sky,
twinkle, twinkle, wittle stor,
upa bubba word so high,
how I wonder what you ore!"

You've been a great audience! Good Night!

Don't Park Your Dishwasher Under a Tree

I believe, from personal experience of course, that the ultimate multi-tasking challenge for busy moms is getting all the daily household duties/errands done while spending quality time with the kiddos at the same time. To accomplish this feat I often employ my daughters help in the mundane day to day tasks. In this instance we were unloading the dishwasher and talking about her day.

Munchkin: (hands me a fork) "Here's a fork Mommy. Here's another fork Mommy. And another fork. And another fork. And a fork. And a poon. And a knife......"

Me: "WHOOOAA! I'll get the knives"

Munchkin: (lets the knife go, hands me another spoon) "And another poon. Hey! this is my purple poon!" (dancing around the kitchen waving the plastic purple spoon and singing) "purple poon, purple poon, my poon is puuurrrppplleee! Yeah baby, yeah baby"

Me: "Alright, give me the spoon"

She hands me the spoon and starts playing on the floor. I continue putting dishes away. Shortly I notice she has unscrewed the cap on the rinse aid reservoir and is dipping it in the rinse aid then in the soap reservoir and back again.

Me: "Munchkin what are you doing?"

Munchkin: "I'm making bird poop Mommy"

Me: "What? Munchkin, what do you think bird poop is?

Munchkin: "Mommy, bird poop is gross --- Duh."


Huh???............


I guess this is just another episode of "Unsolved Mysteries - The Preschool Chronicles"

Life's a Beach or That's How I Roll

Scene: We have just arrived home on a Monday night. Hubby is in the kitchen starting supper. Mommy and Munchkin are in the living room. Mommy has had a HORRIBLE day at her vampire of job that is sucking the life out of her as we speak, and wants nothing more than to NEVER go back there. Munchkin has been told repeatedly to let Mommy have a couple seconds to herself to relax. And she is of course, ignoring these requests.

Munchkin: (waving her sippy cup about 5 inches from my nose and whining) "Mommy can I have some apple juice"

Mommy: "We don't have apple juice"

Munchkin: "But I want apple juice"

Mommy: "We don't have apple juice. Now please let me have a few seconds"

Munchkin: (now with her face 5 inches from my nose) "Mommy can I have candy"

Mommy: "No, of course you can't have candy. Now go play"

Munchkin: (still 5 inches from my nose) "Mommy can I pway a Dora game"

Mommy: (losing patience) "No, you aren't supposed to touch Daddy's laptop. Please, give me a few seconds to relax!"

Munchkin: (now 3 inches from my nose) "But I want to pway a Dora game. I'm gonna to pway a Dora game. Mommy help me pway a Dora game"

Mommy: (now forcefully removing her from right in my face)"You can not play a Dora game right now"

Munchkin: (climbing back up in my face) "Mommy can I have some apple juice"

Mommy: (again forcefully removing her from right in my face, and getting really irritated) "Munchkin, I have asked you over and over again to give me just two seconds! Now if you don't get out of my face you are getting a spanking and you'll end up in your room until supper is ready! "

Munchkin: Picks up a roll of toilette paper from the table and holds it to her ear .... "Mommy! Mommy! I hear the ocean!!!!!!"

Score:
Munchkin: 1
Mommy: 0

How To Read "Deep Thoughts"

Reference guide for dialog posts. Much of the content here will be in dialog form. Names will be changed to protect the innocent. Please see below for cast list.



Me - "Mommy"

Hubby - "Hubby" or "Daddy" depending on the context

Daughter - "Munchkin"